How you can make the most of sportsparenting…Relax, Rejoice, Release your athletes
June 6, 2011
Last week I wrote a post on What to expect when you’re expecting an athlete and briefly mentioned the 3 Rs of sportsparenting: relax, rejoice, and release your athletes.
I want to say more about those 3 Rs because they are so important to you as a sportsparent. If you really want to help your athlete do his best, if you really want to help him succeed, if you really want to help him grow and develop, then read on.
Relax
When I say relax, I am not suggesting that you remain aloof or appear apathetic to your child’s sports. I’m not even saying that you shouldn’t get nervous. I’ve sat many hours in the stands with nerves on edge watching my kids play sports. Wanting them to do their best, praying they wouldn’t get injured, hoping they’d feel good about their performance.
When I say relax, I am saying that you should not be so obsessed with your child’s performance that you can’t see the bigger picture of sports.
Help them improve, yes! Challenge them to work hard, yes! But never, ever forget that the most important part of your child’s sports playing is NOT their stats, their press clippings, or their awards. The most important part of sports is who your child becomes in the process. Someday, they will outgrow sports, but they will never outgrow the character lessons they learn while playing.
When you can see the bigger picture, then and only then can you relax, knowing that the world will not end if they don’t get their playing time or if they don’t score enough points.
Rejoice
Maybe the game was a disastrous loss. Or your child only played two minutes. Or maybe your little athlete got in the game only to make some major goofs. Nothing to celebrate there, right?
Then look closer.
Underneath the mistakes and the embarrassment and frustration, there is always something to enjoy.
- Look for your child’s small victories–they are in every game.
- Recognize good skills and plays on both sides.
- Sometimes, it is just simply the fact that your child is able to play sports.
Rejoicing may not come easy for some of you. If so, you must practice looking for the positive.
Release
Part of a parent’s job is to be in control…at least for awhile. But the other part of a parent’s job is prepare our kids to be in control. And that’s why you must start releasing them a little bit at a time.
Let them make mistakes….and show them how to learn from them.
Encourage them to fight their own battles, whether it’s confronting a coach or a teammate.
Teach them how to make their own choices and how to understand the consequences of those choices.
Resist the temptation to always make their path a smooth and easy one. There are times to step in and help, and there are times to let them figure it out.
Being a sports parent is consuming and emotionally draining, adding another layer of challenge to the already demanding job of parenting. But I am convinced that if you can remember to relax, rejoice, and release, your sportsparening experience will be much more enjoyable–for you and your athlete.
From Kids in Sports | Character Building | JBM Thinks, post How you can make the most of sportsparenting…Relax, Rejoice, Release your athletes
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Hi. I found you through the Fun Tuesday Hop. I have a new blog at http://healthykidshappykids.blogspot.com and am hoping you’ll come visit and follow me back.
Thanks so much
This post is so timely! Thanks for the pointers. We struggle to find the positive sometimes. Our son is in his third season of soccer, and this year he gets so excited to play, only to get on the field and give up easily. He is a take charge kid, but in the game lets the ball go right by him or runs at the back of the pack even though he clearly can outrun the other kids when he wants. We arent sure how to encourage and challenge him to try harder. Maybe thats the release part! Anyway I love reading your blog.
Jessica, thanks for taking the time to visit my blog and I really hope you can find the positive with your son. Sports can be such a character builder for him. I know my three kids (ages 18, 21, 24) are who they are today partly because of the part that sports played in their lives. We are so glad that they stuck it out. I hope my blog will continue to help you on your journey!
Hi Janis,
I am a new follower and a mom of 2 boys playing soccer. I try to take it lightly and just let them have fun, especially the 3 year old who would rather smell the roses than play.
Oh, I remember those days. My son played t-ball and some of his teammates wanted to play in the grass in the outfield, looking for bugs, etc, instead of concentrate on the game. Have fun on your journey!
You are so right. As a sportsparent, it is so easy to get caught up in the intensity and emotions of the game and one behalf of your child. It’s harder, but more important, to take a step back. Now, if I can just remember to do that when I’m in the stands….
Jessica….believe me, I’ve forgotten that many many times. That’s why I can write from experience and all that I’ve learned…because I’ve done alot wrong too!
New follower from the blog hop.
Hope you follow back.
http://grandmabonniescloset.blogspot.com/
I just did! Thanks for stopping by!
This is excellent advice, Janis! I used to do communications for the American Youth Soccer Organization and I know there are lots of coaches out there who LOVE parents like you! What a great outlook; healthy for you and your kids!
If I were still editor of the member publication sent to AYSO families, I’d ask you if we could reprint your piece.
Thanks, Amber. I know one coach who LOVES this sports parent….my husband of nearly 29 years who’s coached for 28. By the way I’ve enjoyed reading your blog regularly. I subscribe to it in my google reader.
Thanks for that, Janis! I appreciate the subscription
You and your hubby sound like a match made in Heaven. Kudos to you both on the good parenting!