How far should you go to fuel childhood dreams?
May 21, 2012
Childhood dreams are funny things. As parents, we are torn between cheering our kids on, and reminding them of harsh realities because we don’t want to see them hurt or disappointed.
I mean, whose to say your child might not be another Tim Tebow or Bill Gates, or a scientist like the people who discovered lasik surgery, effective anivirus software or treatments for cancer?
How do we know if our child really has potential? How are we to know if his childhood dreams can actually become reality?
Today, I want to just focus on sports dreams because that’s where most of you are living. If your child has an athletic dream, just how far should you go to fuel his hopes?
I saw a recent interview on Fox news with an NFL draft prospect who said he’d been dreaming of this opportunity since he was 5.
What if his parents had refused to fuel his childhood dream?
And you’ve seen the olympic athlete interviews where they talk about how their parents sacrificed so they could chase their dream-either moving to a new city or driving hours for their child to get proper training? What if those parents had decided it wasn’t worth it?
What’s the reality?
The reality is that only 0.2-0.5 % of high school athletes make it to the pros.
How much should you spend, how much should you sacrifice, to help your child be part of that small percentage? How do you know whether you should be fueling your child’s dreams or giving him a talk about the realities of life?
The birth of the dream
For many children, the dream begins when they are little. For my son, it began before he even went to school. He wanted to be the next Dan Marino. When our kids are small, we should let them dream as much as they want. Let them dream big, let them dream ridiculous things. Those dreams will motivate them to try and grow and stretch themselves.
Parents sometimes feel they need to force their children to face reality. I would encourage you not to crush their dreams; life has a way of re-shaping those dreams for your children without your help.
The growth of the dream
As your child grows up, the childhood dream may fade. My son reached a point in middle school/early high school when he knew he probably would not be the next Dan Marino. But he still wanted to play in college.
Without our interference, life was already re-shaping his dream.
When kids get to upper middle and high school, the dream-chasing can get costly. If your child wants to make the team, or get playing time or get noticed and ultimately make it to the college or pro level, he may feel the need for travel ball, skill lessons, skill camps, and a myriad of other wallet-draining demands.
And here is where you need to decide just how far you are willing to go to help your child chase that dream.
The dream test
To decide how far you should go, how much you should sacrifice or spend, ask yourself these important questions.
1. Does my child really have the drive or passion? It takes a lot of determination and hard work to make it to the college level in a sport, on any level, not just D-1, even to make the high school team.
My oldest daughter grew up playing softball and always said she wanted to play in college, so when she was a freshman in high school, we sat down with her and asked her one simple question: did she really want to play in college? And was she willing to work hard to make that happen? If we saw that she was doing her part to work hard, we would do all we could afford to help her achieve success.
I am happy to report that she played four years of D-3 college softball, and had a wonderful college experience.
But it was not because we forced her; it was she who put in the hours of catching and hitting practice to make it to the college level. It was her dream, and her passion helped it become reality.
2. Does my child have the skill? Here’s where many parents need a severe reality check. We all see our kids as great players–and sometimes we are seeing what we want to see, not what is real. This is when we need other eyes to help us see what is real and what is not.
My husband coached a young softball pitcher in high school whose mom was convinced she was headed for D-1 college level ball, D-2 at the least. But on the varsity level, she wasn’t cutting it. She got little pitching time because even though her pitching speed was decent, she didn’t have enough pitch variety and hitters found it very easy to get hits off her. On top of that, her batting was sporadic, and on top of that, she had poor over-arm throwing skills.
However, her mom was convinced she was headed for a stellar college career. The fact of the matter was, her mom was the ONLY one who thought that. No schools recruited her and other coaches saw her shortcomings as a varsity softball player.
If you are the only one seeing your child’s amazing abilities, then it’s time for a reality check. His skills may not be so amazing after all. And if that’s the case, if no one sees the potential, or the skill in your child’s ability, I mean NO ONE, then you might want to reconsider spending a lot of time and money on his dreams, because if the athletic ability is simply not there, then it’s just a fantasy.
3. Are the sacrifices to fuel this dream really worth it? I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a lot of athletes out there who have the passion and the ability, but whose parents felt that the sacrifices were just not worth it.
Is it worth it if…
- Your family relationships suffer because your other kids feel neglected?
- Your marriage takes a back seat to your child’s dreams, and disintegrates because of it?
- Your finances are stretched so thin that other family member suffer unduly?
Tough questions, I know. Because honestly, if the sacrifices you have to make for your child to achieve his “dream” run over and hurt others in the process, then you have to wonder…is it really worth it?
Dreams can come true
If you, your athlete, and your family can pass the dream test, then go for it! But remember, what your child can gain from sports is more valuable than recognition, awards, or even a college scholarship.
Someday, those glory days will be over. Press clippings and stats will come and go, but the positive character traits that your child can learn through sports will be part of your young athlete’s DNA for life. And that is any parent’s dream come true.
From Kids in Sports | Character Building | JBM Thinks, post How far should you go to fuel childhood dreams?
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A dream board can also be called a goal board or a vision board. It is an excellent, creative way for a child to illustrate what he wants in his life. Even a young child can find fun and benefit in this activity. A dream board is a personal collection of an individual’s desires, hopes and dreams..
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Sounds like a great idea, Laura!
Sometimes the kid needs a reality check and that’s really difficult. When he is the only one who thinks he has talent and won’t give up or give in to disappointment. Would love to hear how others cope with this.
Yes, that’s true, Shira. But life will re-shape his dreams for him as he grows if he truely does not have the talent. It’s a tough line in the sand for parents.
Twitter: kirkmango
May 21, 2012 at 10:27 pm
Great piece Janis.
Shira, I would echo what Janis said but also add that it is not whether they accomplish that dream that has the most value but the willingness to put themselves through the sacrifices and work that it would take to get there. The attributes picked up through this endeavor go way beyond the athletic arena. They are, in reality, what it’s all about.
Kirk Mango
“Becoming a True Champion”
(http://becomingatruechampion.com/)
I agree, Kirk. That’s what I said in the ending paragraphs: “If you, your athlete, and your family can pass the dream test, then go for it! But remember, what your child can gain from sports is more valuable than recognition, awards, or even a college scholarship.
Someday, those glory days will be over. Press clippings and stats will come and go, but the positive character traits that your child can learn through sports will be part of your young athlete’s DNA for life. And that is any parent’s dream come true.”
Hope your book is getting around!
Amazing post about dreams. Thanks for sharing this great post.
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Twitter: kidskiandrain
May 22, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Janis, that is sage advice that what your kids learn from sports will be part of their personality for life. They will take away the very best from the experiences, and it will serve them well in their adult life. We are firm believers in getting kids active and outside! My own son is a Nordic ski racer – he started young with the Bill Koch league in elementary school, and now skis for a college team. What he has learned is priceless-team work, discipline, focus, camaraderie, physical training – the list goes on and on.
Thanks, Lisa. A Nordic ski racer! How cool! (no pun intended). I’m glad he’s been able to get the most out of his experience!
Twitter: kidskiandrain
May 22, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I love that Nordic skiing is a sport for life too! Such great exercise and you get to enjoy the best of the winter! Might as well embrace it if you live in the Northeast as we do!
Thank you Janis and Kirk for you words. It is hard going at the moment and heart-breaking seeing him deal with losing matches when we know he doesn’t have to put himself through it. Your perspective helps me see through that though.
It’s not impossible to make our wish into reality, I love this post, very inspiring…
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Twitter: brussoalbert
May 23, 2012 at 8:06 am
I’m speechless! A very desired and intense wish of most of the people what about we don’t think much rather claim it as a childish fancy thought and while growing up throw it away but you’ve sketched a fixture to fulfill this dream how easily!! There’s nothing but thanking you.
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We have the dream of every child so that to develop the self esteem and there is nothing wrong to push them as long as you guide the child.