Positive Parenting may seem like a rather vague term, but the Positive Coaching Alliance has put a very specific spin on positive coaching that we as parents can apply to our parenting, whether our kids play sports or not.
They are calling it the 5:1 Principle. Say five positive things for the “negative” message you must deliver.
Here’s how it looks on the football field:
Wow. Imagine what a difference this would make in our parenting if we could practice the 5:1 principle.
Positive parenting might look like this: Let’s say your kid cleans his room, but doesn’t do a very thorough job. Will you come in and immediately start pointing out all the things he neglected to do? Your closet is a mess, the floor still needs sweeping, you didn’t straighten up your dresser, and there’s dust on the window sill.
I’ve been there with my kids. They’d call me up to the room and ask me to inspect and I made the mistake a time or two of pointing out all the things they didn’t do. I could see their facial expression change from satisfaction to discouragement. When it hit me that all I was doing was being negative, I changed my tactic.
I started by pointing out all the good things they did. You picked up your clothes, your bed is made, your books are neatly on the shelf and your toys are put away. Good job.
Then I ask them to do a couple more things that needed to be done and left it at that.
Let’s face it, our kids will never do things exactly like we want them done; that will only happen if we do them ourselves. And we know that’s not going to teach them anything.
So in order to teach them to do for themselves, and let them feel good about their achievement and progress, we must sometimes settle for less than perfection. The older they get, the more we can expect and the more precise they will become.
Positive parenting is not a pipe dream. It can be a reality in your home if you apply yourself to making a change.
Perhaps you’ve already made the positive parenting adjustment. If so, I’d like to hear how it’s impacted your home!
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